01 We have a default morning sequence that runs the same way most weekdays — wake, dress, feed, leave — without one person dispatching it from memory.

02 When someone in the household gets sick, we have a known sequence we run (who calls in, who covers the kids/pets/work, what to do at hour 6 vs day 2) instead of inventing it each time.

03 Bedtime has a defined shape — the same triggers, the same handoffs, the same end-state — that anyone in the household could run.

04 We have a written-down or shared way of handling at least one of: lost school item, late pickup, sudden cancellation, unexpected guest. Pick the highest-frequency one.

05 There is a regular time (weekly or fortnightly) when both adults sit down and look at the week ahead together — not in passing, not in a hallway.

06 We have a recurring time when household money is reviewed — at least monthly — that doesn’t depend on a problem to trigger it.

07 There is a deliberate reset moment in our week (Sunday evening, Saturday morning, whenever) when the previous week is closed and the next one is set up.

08 We pause at least once a quarter to step back and look at the household as a whole — what’s working, what’s broken, what changed — separate from the day-to-day.

09 The non-default parent could pick up the kids from school tomorrow without ringing the other parent to ask the pickup time, the after-school class, or who else might be collecting.

10 If a grandparent or sitter took the kids for a day, there is something written they could look at — meds, snacks, naps, allergies, schedule — instead of being briefed live each time.

11 There is one place where this week’s appointments, key events, and known deadlines live, that both parents look at without prompting.

12 The full list of “things only one of us currently knows” is short — and we both know it’s short because we’ve actually checked recently.

13 We could each, separately, write down who is currently responsible for: school admin, meals, money, medical appointments, the car, the bins, birthdays — and largely agree.

14 We know which recurring household tasks are currently single-points-of-failure (only one of us can do them) — and we’ve identified at least one to redistribute.

15 The mental load — the thinking, remembering, anticipating, not just the doing — is something we’ve explicitly mapped and discussed, not just felt.

16 When a new recurring task appears in the household (a new class, a new medication, a new admin task), there’s a moment where we decide who owns it — not a default that one person picks it up.

17 When something goes wrong (a missed appointment, a forgotten lunchbox, a meltdown), we have a way of capturing it that’s lighter than a row, so the same thing is less likely to happen next time.

18 At least once a quarter, we identify one thing in the household that’s been quietly frustrating for weeks, and we change it — rather than tolerate it.

19 There is a way for either adult to flag “this is bothering me” about household operations, separate from in-the-moment friction.

20 We can name at least two specific household changes we’ve made in the last 6 months because something wasn’t working — not just survived through.

21 The work of remembering — birthdays, appointments, school events, medication renewals, social commitments — is shared between adults, not held primarily by one.

22 Both adults equally initiate (“we should book…”, “we need to plan…”, “we’re running low on…”) — neither is purely responsive to the other.

23 When one adult is unavailable for a week (work trip, illness, away), the household runs largely intact — not in survival mode.

24 The least-organising adult in the household could, if asked, give an accurate snapshot of what’s happening this week and what’s coming next week.